i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
