I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
