I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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