i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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