I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You need Xanax blowdarts
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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