Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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