guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
