i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
