Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
