if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize