On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
