Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
