I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
