First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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