I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
