Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
