Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
