The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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