I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
