Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I am naked and annoyed.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
