Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She swung at the pinata with crutches
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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