Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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