she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
