On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
