well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
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its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
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Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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