he puts the penis in happiness.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
