I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
