respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
