I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
