So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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