You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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