A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
