I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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