No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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