haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
