Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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