You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
