i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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