he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize