she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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