Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
