In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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