just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
