I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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