Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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