He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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