I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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