On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
