WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
