Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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