let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
