He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
