There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I am one with the molecules
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
