New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
this hospital has no fireball
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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