remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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