Your mouth is God's brothel.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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