he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
