if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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