I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
third nipple confirmed
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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