When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
