so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I don't deserve a penis
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
