You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
