I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I checked into jail on foursquare
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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